The death of a colleague
An employee’s death raises issues from dealing with the grief to marking their passing, writes Rhymer Rigby
It was a very ordinary day in the office,” says Michael Gibson. “Around lunchtime I had a call from a client that said my colleague hadn’t turned up for a meeting.”
Later, there was a call from a girlfriend who started to express concern, and colleagues began to worry. “Then we had a call from the police who came down to the office and said a body had been found. He’d jumped off a block of flats,” says Mr Gibson. Now managing director at Fat Media, a digital marketing company, he explains that although this happened years ago, when he was at a different company, it is still resonates in his mind.
The death of a colleague is a workplace taboo. Companies do not like to talk about it – when approached about the death of employees for this piece, 10 companies politely declined even though in many cases, the deaths had made the headlines.
Of course, people of working age do die, including high-profile executives. In recent years, Apple co-founder Steve Jobs died of cancer, Micron Technology CEO Steve Appleton died in a light aircraft crash and the entrepreneur Jimi Heselden, who owned Segway, died after his Segway went off a cliff.
What should the corporate reaction be?
“Organisations have an important role to play,” says Kirsty Minford, a human resources consultant and grief counsellor. “People don’t leave grief at the office door.” With the death of a colleague, she adds, the support of fellow employees can be hugely important. “People often say ‘work kept me going’, and the routine and community, and the support and the friendship you have can be a great help.”
Even though the working relationship may not be particularly friendly or personal, office life can still engender deep connections.
“If you work with someone, even if you’re not great friends with them, you have a relationship with them, so a death in the workplace is more meaningful than not,” says Russell Friedman, executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute, which helps individuals and companies deal with death. “The issue with grief is change – and obviously the degree of grief will vary. But without turning the company into a social worker, businesses need to give people space to grieve. They need to talk and to process their feelings.”
Kevin Friery, clinical director of Right Management, a provider of employee assistance programmes, advises that “bigger employers should have a policy, as it is going to happen at some point”.
Steps a company might consider include arranging time for people to talk about their feelings, compassionate leave for those most affected, someone to liaise with the family (and sometimes the police), a memorial service and more lasting memorials.
Actions following the unexpected passing of a staff member
● Make a short, dignified announcement as soon as possible, especially as potentially inaccurate rumours may circulate. If the death is unexpected, recognise that people will be shocked and will need to talk about it. Those affected will want to grieve.
● Try to assess who will be most affected. It is not always the obvious people, and different colleagues will react in different ways.
● Be humane, but pragmatic. Efforts to strike a balance between compassion and the need to continue with work will be appreciated.
● Appoint someone to deal with administrative aspects. For instance, the person’s standard answerphone message should not be heard by callers days and even weeks after their death. Similarly, contacts as well as colleagues will appreciate being told.
● A commemorative event may be helpful. If you are one of the people addressing the gathering, ask for contributions from those who knew the person best and worked closely with them.
Similarly, setting up a permanent memorial, such as an award in their name to support a cause that affected them, may be appropriate. Make sure you consult the family about the idea and how to proceed.
A certain amount of administration may be involved. Mr Gibson says: “You need to think about things like voicemail messages – which can be very distressing. You have to explain what happened to the person’s clients and contacts. It can be a protracted process.”
Companies should ascertain who is affected says Mr Friery. “Is it the immediate work group? What about the people they took coffee and lunch breaks with? We worked with one company where someone died in his fifties – and he’d worked there since he was 17. The impact was enormous.”
He adds that it is not always obvious who will be affected. Prepare to discover unexpected close friends or even secret love affairs. “You should ask around,” he says.
Companies should be mindful that grief affects people differently. Two people can have a similar relationship with a colleague, but react in dissimilar ways to their death.
“Even if you have a very marginal relationship with them, you can still be affected,” says Mr Friedman. “You may feel robbed of the chance to say something to them. You feel stuck with undelivered communications or you may think: ‘I never really got to know him.
In the case of a charismatic and high-profile chief executive dying, it can affect staff in the way that celebrity deaths do. But, Mr Russell says, even the death of someone fairly junior you don’t know can have an impact. “You have a kind of team feeling with people in your company.”
The nature of the death will affect reactions. Mr Friery says: “Suicide is different because there’s guilt and blame and shame. It has a huge effect and it’s bigger when people leave a note saying it was because of work.”
The details of a death can pose challenges. “We dealt with a company that had someone fall into a canal drunk and drown,” says Mr Friery. “Or you might have someone die of drunk driving. This often makes people question their own lifestyles.”
Finally, there is the challenge of what you do when people simply disappear. “When people go missing, it is a very strange situation. You do get to the point where you have to ask what you do about their desk. Does it look callous if you clear it out?”
Of course, there is an element of enlightened self-interest. “If people can’t grieve, their concentration drops, their attendance can suffer, they can have sudden outpourings of emotion and they can become depressed,” says Mr Friery. “Normally, you don’t provide a lot of counselling but you do manage people compassionately and you keep an eye out to see who is really struggling.”
Ms Minford warns that companies should take care not to promise too much, especially when dealing with the family. “Be very careful about what you promise in the initial-shock stage,” she says. “It’s human to overcommit, but you need to think about what you can and can’t produce and then deliver it. Don’t over-promise and then let people down.”
In the longer term, a company may honour the person’s memory by setting up an award in their name. “As long as it’s in line with the wishes of the family, this sort of thing is good,” says Ms Minford,
Such a process also recognises that staff may feel strongly about a death, even years later. As Mr Gibson says: “I still think about it. It’s so unusual and strange that, even now, when these issues are raised, they do send you back to that point in time.”
As a general rule, says Mr Friery, companies and businesses should err on the side of compassion. “If you do the thing, people will remember it.” Mr Russell adds: “Businesses are afraid of the topic. But they shouldn’t be. It’s something that affects us all. Grief is universal.”
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