Grief in the workforce and the EAP – Employee Assistance Program
For so many, one of the difficult issues after experiencing the traumatic death of a spouse or child is the inevitable return to work. Fortunately, many employers have risen above the “get over it” attitude toward bereaved employees and understand that the impacts of profound loss go well beyond three days of paid leave, which is the average in U.S. businesses today.
There is still much work to be done, though. Some small businesses, many mid-sized, and almost all large corporations have turned to Employee Assistance Programs for help. These are outsourced providers designed to assist employees in resolving personal problems that may be adversely affecting performance at work. The plans may include a wide array of services, including mental health support, and normally extend to the immediate family members of the employee as well.
Both accolades and criticisms can be found for these special programs, with many critics citing the fact that EAPs are actually a third-party entity that often relies upon other outside vendors and contractors for specialized services. That brings several layers of disconnect between the employee and the company. The positives are many, but for this purpose, the greatest being that most EAPs provide mental health professionals at no charge to the employee.
Unfortunately, many at the top of a company will assume that EAP intervention for bereavement is the end-all and do-all for the grieving employee. Once help is offered, soon the poor soul will be healed and back to full productivity for the business. What they fail to realize, however, is that the program is just a single tool in moving forward in grief, but absolutely not the total solution.
EAP help for the employee will normally be “referred” out, and then intervention will be offered in weekly, bi-weekly, or more infrequent appointments. That is if the employee elects to take advantage of the services at all. No one is forcing them to. If he or she does, however, hopefully the referral is to a mental health professional who has specialized training in counseling the bereaved, and preferably someone who has also experienced profound loss personally. Without question, there is nothing more desired by the bereaved than to share with another who has been “through the fire.”
As a side note, those in the mental health field surely have a very special heart filled with the unique compassion for emotionally helping people that they did not even know the day before. Yet, when one opens the phone book or searches for counselors on-line, it can be disparaging for the griever to read the advertised listings. Unfortunately, the subject of grief counseling often comes up after offers to help with weight loss & eating disorders, smoking cessation, and healing relationship problems.
Getting back to the infrequent appointment concept, what the well-meaning business leader is failing to recognize is that except for scheduled days off, the grieving employee “will” be at work every day after the loss. Many of us spend more awake time with those on the job than with family at home. With that in mind, where do you think the greater influence lies on the bereaved employee? Where will he or she get more support in moving forward after the loss?
Actually, the flip side to that is true as well. Where will he or she more likely to be treated in a way that hinders their healing after a profound loss? Sadly, the grieving employee returns to what was once a place almost as sacred and safe as their own home, where people respect and understand them. At least they did at one time.
Many workers develop deep relationships with others on the job, even if that does not extend beyond the workplace. Yet, death brings a level of uncomfortableness to everyone, and many managers, supervisors and peers are not prepared to deal with it. There is a thick feeling that they can never again have a normal conversation with the bereaved. Guarded and careful becomes the new normal. Eventually it becomes more comfortable to avoid the grieved employee when seen coming.
That does not even cover the eventual comments of, “aren’t you over it yet,” from not only teammates, but from the boss as well. While someone who has experienced a traumatic loss will tell you, for years to come it will feel as if everyone is still aware of the amount of pain inside. It can be described as a perception that the griever must be wearing some outer coat that says “grief.” In reality, that is a misconception on the part of the suffering employee.
Everyone at the jobsite certainly felt the pain and had great compassion for the grieved employee after the loss. Yet, as time goes on it is natural, albeit forced, for the bereaved to attempt an appearance of being okay. Combine this with the fact that coworkers do not leave the workplace every day to return to a personal life painfully filled with a changed world.
Those others at work do not go home to grief. Sadness over the loss is not a part of their personal life, and they will move beyond it in very short order. Besides, just thinking of death and mortality makes others uncomfortable, and it is easy to set it aside if we are not forced to deal with it.
Bottom line, those employers who did the right thing by bringing in the support of Employee Assistance Programs are to be recognized for taking the first step in supporting their greatest assets. Yet, it is also obvious that the influence of those at the workplace can have a tremendous positive or negative impact on the griever, as well as productivity and revenue. Wise business owners and executives will seek out additional specialized training for senior and front line managers, as well as supervisors and team leaders, on the support of the bereaved employee in the workplace.
According to data compiled partially through the U.S. Center for Disease Control, grief in the workplace is responsible for the loss of over $75 Billion Dollars in revenue each year across the United States. Just a few hours of workshop style training can provide managers with the knowledge needed to support not only the bereaved employee after a loss, but the coworkers who will interact with them for the majority of their waking hours.