Each of us has a special day that changes one’s life.

Mine was 12 years ago Oct. 31 when my daughter passed away while at college.

Grieving the loss of a child is a unique and lifelong process. I write this for parents who have lost a child and for others who don’t know how to address that loss.

Our English language is surprisingly limited when it comes to this.

You might have experienced a deep loss of a very special dog, a grandparent or a dear friend, but please do not say you understand a person’s grief because you lost a dog or grandparent.

Please never say, “I know how you feel.” A simple “I’m sorry” or hug is wonderful. We struggle when you say, “Everything happens for a reason,” “It was God’s will” or “she/he is in a better place – at the side of God.” This might make you feel better, but understand that spiritual thoughts can be very different.

For some people, it can be uncomfortable deciding what to say, so they say nothing or shy away.

Those who try to swallow or hide their grief to the rest of the world still appreciate the acknowledgment internally. Know that the smallest gesture helps. A simple “I’m sorry” has depth.

If you can’t face the grieving parent, send a note. Sometimes, it is just a simple acknowledgement by email, perhaps a smile on Facebook, a special picture or a thought.

Believe me, it doesn’t take much. The most important thing is that the loved one is never forgotten, and I am sorry if you never got to know them.

Take time to check on the family after the memorial and funeral are done.

Often, all the hovering and promised support seems to stop once the services are over even though that is usually when family members are just beginning to come out of shock.

The world stopped for that family and they question how the rest of the world can continue to go on like nothing happened.

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