Masculine grief is different and often hidden
Waterloo Region Record
CAMBRIDGE — Men grieve, but all too often their sorrow is hidden
“It’s there, but people don’t see it,” said U.S. grief expert Tom Golden.
Golden, a psychotherapist and author living near Washington, D.C., spoke in Cambridge on Thursday at a conference hosted by the midwestern chapter of Bereaved Families of Ontario.
This year’s topic was understanding masculine grief, with speakers exploring the stereotypes and challenges men face when grieving.
“They just do it a little different,” Golden told the audience.
Men and women, in general, are given little room in our society to grieve.
“Sadness is seen as toxic,” Golden said. “It’s seen as something we’re supposed to hide, supposed to get rid of.”
However, he said, sadness is a part of life and should be embraced, not avoided.
“Our love is what fuels the grief,” Golden said. “How can that be toxic?”
Men, in particular, are not encouraged to grieve, at least not in the way of crying and talking traditionally associated with women. However, he cautioned at the beginning, the way a person deals with emotion and grief is not strictly divided along gender lines, but rather people often have a blend of masculine and feminine styles.
“One’s not better than the other, they’re just different,” Golden said.
Both men and women need to find a place they feel safe to process their grief and tell stories, such as memories of the person lost, to begin healing.
“When people feel safe, they’re going to open up,” Golden said.
Finding a safe place to grieve can be difficult, he said, especially for men who shy away from talking openly about feelings and showing grief publicly.